Grandmother
After Jamaica Kincaid
This is how to slurp chocolate milk; this is how to pop bubble by bubble one at a time with a coffee stirrer; this is how to trace smiles in the fogged glass around your finger prints; this is how to squint through the base of an empty glass and this way you can watch shrieking toddlers and frantic mothers across cafes; this is how to teach yourself to leave your shoelace untied and when someone’s bothered by it, this is how to ignore sneers; this is how to wipe the dust from your jeans when you trip; this is how to sit in a slump at a picnic table looking lonely and this way middle-aged ladies pity you; this is how to squeeze into dusty jeans; this is how to tie your hair in braids, although these days no one goes out with braids and, come night, this is how to sleep on your back, smearing the mascara; this is how to control yourself from turning over in your sleep in case you’re assigned a bunk bed; this is how to conduct a pillow fight; this is how to word an excuse so you don’t blubber with your tongue and seem confused or guilty; this is how to scream into your pillow; this is how to color inside the lines; this is how to divide sky from dirt and boy from girl; this is the shape of a belly button on a stick figure; this is how to descend onto your scabby knees and kiss the cement floor only to beg for a coloring book with a red gown princess sticker slapped on the cover; this is how to strut around with the glittery princess under your arm; this is how to lay beneath your bed with a flashlight to illuminate your veins; this is how to scream for cold water once you’re already tucked tight into sheets; this is how to recognize the sounds and shadows of a monster; this is how to cry when no one comes and you know no one’s there; this is how to clench your fists till they sweat and that way when you wipe your fingers under your eyes, it becomes moist, this way your plans for the day disappear; this is how to choose vitamins, gummies are always the best; this is how to pray the store will have your cereal; this is how to hold a grudge with slanted eyes, so people ask what’s wrong and then you’ll have a secret; this is how to wish, it’s different than to ask or pray, it’s more quiet and inside you, like with birthday candles; but what if I don’t know what to wish for, what if all my wishes have come true?; this is how to keep friends, how to hug and listen, how to giggle again; what if the friend wants to listen to me, what do I say?; this how to be confident, everyone knows how to talk, not always out loud, but in their head and the people who love you will know you’re speaking loud and clear.
Zoë Mason ‘09
